I happened to be on the grapevine this morning and I found a new feature. It is sponsored by the Wacky Institute whose primary purpose is taking the truth and converting it to something bigger than any lie you’ve ever heard. My B.F.F. Commissioner Price, gave the Institute her time proven recipe for that process which over the years, she has perfected by using it repeatedly in both Yankeetown and Inglis. She sits on Wacky’s board and is a consultant to the Institute’s web site, Bizzaro.net. I understand there’s a rumor, about a petition, circulating to nominate her for the annual Fruit Bats award.
By the way. Bet you didn’t know that John Morgan’s Marijuana caravan passed thru Inglis on Friday. Apparently, he visits the grapevine and subscribes to the Wacky newsletter. Coming from Ocala, the huge, luxury, motor home pulled into the strip center to get ten, foot long Subways for Mr. Morgan. He got off the coach and went straight to the Thrift Store and asked for “the petitions”. ? ? ?
He told a reporter, traveling with his entourage, that after learning how to fist bump he had been advised to get something to handout to all the wack jobs they would be encountering during the tour.
Speaking of petitions, it has been brought to my attention that the petitions Morgan was looking for are for my Recall From The Town Commission, The Mayor’s resignation, and a pardon for Commissioners Junk Yard White and “That’s a Doozey!” Price. Some advice for the petitioners. Tell your PR firm that the petitions would have much more appeal to those whom you are trying to attract if they were printed on Charmin.
I knew I was a popular fellow with the Seven Dwarfs and their band of merry little people. If I had known that there was such an upwelling of adoration I would have been more than willing to step up and save them all this trouble.
I’d be glad to resign if they’d pay me two years severance and give me the two months paid vacation that I didn’t know you could take until Commissioner Price did so this summer. Also, I want one of White’s dayglow, orange jumpsuits, with his autograph on the lapel. And, a gift certificate for Monte Verde’s Boxing school where you learn the ancient art of punching people in the nose from behind while stabbing them in the back.
This petition thing is riding a groundswell of popularity. I was told that EX commissioner Andrew Michael White showed up at town hall on Friday and asked Deputy Clerk Sherri MacDonald to sign the petitions. She asked back, why would she sign those? White told her that it might be her job if she didn’t. You know I’m just a dumb ass redneck, but that sounds like a threat to me. Could be hearsay. What do you think?
That's enuff said. See Ya next time, Rednak