Well, well. In light of the fact that we have been freezin’ our asses off, I thought you would be glad to learn that a breath (bag) of hot air has entered the upcoming race for Inglis Town Commission. This zoning and real estate wiz kid thinks that we should devalue expensive properties to keep the owners from leaving the area. This is called Vladimir Putin population control. His letters to the editor prove that if your skull is thick enough your head can’t explode. I suppose the Gang of Five strategy here is that if you can’t lie them to death then talk them into bored unconsciousness. Right now, this is just a rumor but it came from a very reliable place - - the Inglis “grapevine”, created and maintained by the Wacky Institute who also runs the institute’s website at Bizzaro.net.
Below is some history for you of how I uncovered the mystery of Commissioner Junk Yard’s “grapevine” and discovered the source of ex Commissioner Price’s magical powers.
But first just a quick bit of the Blues:
Smokehouse so fine!
From the HighRoad blogs of the Fall 2014:
“I’ve managed to tap into the recently revealed font of valuable local information referred to by Inglis Town Commissioner Andrew White during a special meeting called by him on last Thursday, May 29th. After some very juicy revelations demonstrating real time violations of Florida’s Sunshine Law he was questioned by an audience member as to his source for an allegation of gun slinging by a fellow commissioner. After hemming and hawing, and stating he’d rather not reveal his source he relented and said that he heard it on “the grapevine.”
“Well, you can imagine how excited I was to discover that this connection to an ancient conduit, for all types of exclusive and valuable info, still existed and was in play. I mean, this had to be good, if someone as perceptive and politically savvy as Commissioner White would publish in the local paper, an accusation against another, of pointing a gun with malice and/or possibly, aforethought.
“I went straight home from that meeting and googled “grapevine.” However, the ten thousand hits didn’t seem to lead to the secret portal for fruits. Then I remembered a certain paranoid schizophrenic, pothead, who once told me about a secret code, printed on the wrappers of toilet paper that could lead to the powerful source of cryptic access I might be looking for. I knew that this was silly, but now, in light of the actions by the players in this current scenario, maybe not. So I “queried" a few password-type encodes and tried to conjure up an inspiration. I could only relate to the events described, as so much B.S. Then it struck me. I keyed in; full of and surrounded by a lot of poop while making up fibs. And Bingo! The search engine didn’t pause for a nanosecond. In fact, the Google page went off like the poker machines in a VFW.
“Welcome to the Grapevine, flashed on the homepage. An emoticon with a head very much like Commissioner White’s but with no legs, scooted across the screen with a big fat lie on the tip of its tongue.
“I was so excited. I could now visit Fool Ass Nirvana any time I wanted too. And, just the prospect of meeting so many others there, that I already knew, thrilled me spit- less.”
More - Sally Price source of enlightenment revealed
“I happened to be on the grapevine this morning and I found a new feature. It is sponsored by the Wacky Institute whose primary purpose is taking the truth and converting it to something bigger than any lie you’ve ever heard. My B.F.F. Commissioner Price, gave the Institute her time proven recipe for that process which over the years, she has perfected by using it repeatedly in both Yankeetown and Inglis. She sits on Wacky’s board and is a consultant to the Institute’s web site, Bizarro.net. I understand there’s a rumor, about a petition circulating to nominate her for the annual Fruit Bats award. Which I might add, is a difficult accomplishment. Just ask some of the former winners.
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In closing I would be remiss if I failed to point out the genuine strides that have been taken to bring not just the community of Inglis but our sister city Yankeetown into the twentieth century.
Co-operation bloomed this year and benefits beyond value are building rapidly. Both mayors of our respective communities put silly differences to rest and have campaigned selflessly across the state to uncover financial, development, and civic opportunities that could transform our town’s, their infrastructure, and economies. Groups of civic leaders have gathered to address, emergency planning and healthy community initiatives. A community garden, the South Levy marketplace, group and town council response to the needs of our youngsters and the needy are active today because of this newfound spirit of caring. Plus, actual monetary support has been invested in restoring our priceless lower Withlacoochee River. If anything is lacking to fuel the continuation of good happenings here, it is citizen involvement. But, that too is changing. The politics of the past that pivot on negativity, character assassination, undermining progress, and constant whining, can’t be tolerated by the voters of our towns anymore. If we let these few people poison our community culture we only have ourselves to blame when the town infrastructure gets flushed down the toilet. And trust me. Apathy will kill your towns.
In closing now that election time is nearing, understand that there is a telling difference in public service and public sabotage. Elected commissioners and mayors are expected to perform their duties in public meetings and exercise their constitutional prerogatives. Saboteurs who take office are self-serving. They ignore their office oaths and they have no compunction about embarrassing their cities. Saboteurs perform their dirt by starting rumors, writing crap letters to the lame newspaper that is supported by our businesses but only provides 5% of local news. Saboteurs want to dissolve the town, throw away our assets and give our identities to the County. They don’t like our towns, they don’t like any serving citizen unless it is one of their ilk. You can stop this. Talk to your neighbors about healthy progress and community betterment. STOP the negativity once and for all.
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Josh King is 15 now
My dog Buddy taught this goat to do this
Wonder why our kids are dumber in the afternoon after school Than they were when they got there?
Goes on my bucket list
DiCaprio discovered in new role in Russia
Leave it to Jackie
Mascots All Pro Team – Bullies in costume
What’s going on. He’s weaving the tapestry of your life, and it has light and dark threads — happy and sad times — to give richness and texture and color to your life. Nothing can come into the life of a child of God without God’s permission. Everything is Father‑filtered.
Ask and you shall receive.